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Copyright © vy
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Friday, June 27, 2003
homework is the curse of mankind. so there.
whee_
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today:
has started on the wrong foot. was asked, indirectly, a question. and didnt exactly answer too well cos i was pissed. well maybe not from today's events but from yesterdays. its getting very messy now. im lapsing too often into flashbacks of my previous memory, like i want to be what i was before. its getting very confusing cos im starting to feel stuff which i refused to feel anymore. im beginning to be more human, something ive been trying to avoid.
the bottomline is:
dont ask me if you know what the answer will be. because it seriously puts me in an awfully tight spot. part of me says that i should be distancing myself away from you, yet another part of me reminds me that that is not what i want deep down inside. then, im stuck. some stray memory, this time yesterdays whole fiasco, creeps into my mind and it reminds me that im supposed to be pissed. then its all messy again. anyway, ive no right to determine what you do, just do what you think is right and i wont say anything cos its your decision anyway. just dont ask me next time if you know what im going to say. which is usually the case.
im tired. really tired. its getting harder to forget, day by day. really hard. the feelings just keep coming back so dont make this harder for either of us. kae, im not exactly sure where this is going cos im getting really confused again so i shall just shut tf up now.
homework:
has not been started much upon. only did one overdue piece of work which was my erp. started abit on circular measure but cant go any further cos i dun have a calculator. got kopped. again. damn irritating. now i cant do any math at all. malay i did part of my compo but it got lost sumwhere. which is also very irritating. the other hw i cant really rmb so i really cuddnt give half a damn.
rp:
boring boring boring. and the woman is really beginning to piss me off. kae thats a lie, she pissed me off long ago but the feelings keep building up. yesterday she was driving me nuts.
amazing race:
hilarious. jon & al are damn annoying. they need someone to remind them that theyre not as funny as they think they are. cos they really arent. the cow dung thing was really crap (pun intended) and gross. it must have been like a swamp if the teams kept getting their legs stuck in the shit. next week got indian molesters in the bus. gosh. the lecherous faces we see in the trailers are all so annoying. feel abit sorry for the girls. AR India looks like its gonna be a mistake. not that im surprised of course.
whee_
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Longer than there've been fishes in the ocean
Higher than than any bird ever flew
Longer than there've been stars up in the heavens
I've been in love with you
blogger looks nice now. very nice in fact. oh well. there must be some nice things in this world rite? like blogger. hurray.
Stronger than any mountain cathedral
Truer than any tree ever grew
Deeper than any forest primeval
I am in love with you
today has been an odd day, with its usual ups and downs. depressed, then happy, then sad, then euphoric. its a rollercoaster, and one helluva ride. so far, in my new two day lease of life i can safely say that im enjoying it so far. feelings are subsiding. rethinking alot of things. and so far, taking things one step at a time and not looking too far ahead. so far so good.
today ive been at my friends place. for so-called homework doing. of course we end up doing nothing. i just colonised the com and did other stuff. chatted. surfed around. blogger at that time wasnt up yet. and i filled the com up with mariah stuff. which was quite fun i might add. (at least one thing remained from my past self) then we downloaded other stuff and did other things.
then went to swim. which felt damn good after all the gym. hung around in the pool, played ball. had fun just having fun. was in a good mood. a genuine one. now im back at the com. hogging it as usual. my usual hoggish self. miss my guitar though. been playing it alot since the bad times. im 30 seconds into asturias now. and my sevilla is hanging around the 10th bar or so. i know, very loser. im in my albeniz phase now lahh. promised ronald to be in a clapton phase by next year. haha.
i think im going to swim again soon. see first. the pools nice and quiet and lonely now. good for thinking about all the shit that has been happeneing lately. or maybe ill just swim at 5 or sumthing, when theres light. theyre playing nintendo now. some ice hockey thing. very funny watching the game. of course, it does not look as if we will get down to doing work. yes, whats new, not doing at work.
tomorrow, or rather, later today, we have rehearsal. very stupid and boring and i feel like skipping but i cant cos i have no company. even some of the strongest proponents of the anti-mole club are now so obedient and filial. dont know whats happening to them. i feel so alone in this fight against evil.
heh oh well. im trying to leave out all the depressing shit out. cos it will just be very tiring to type out and a waste of my time. whatever that happened is slipping out of my mind and starting afresh and anew is a good start to things. itll take a long time of course but itll heal. ill get over it. but as they say "time heals all wounds but the scars shall forever remain". true true. but thats life i guess. gotta hide it all and look fine with everything. ronald has a good philosophy, not to think too much. gd idea i must say. it seems to work. for the most part.
"longer" by dan fogelberg is nice. its all over this post. but i guess this sorta thing is bullshit. true love and all that shit. "tears in heaven" by clapton is also nice and sad. very meaningful indeed. didnt noe where it could have belonged in my blog since i didnt have a son that died lyk clapton. i guess i wont know that kind of sadness for some time. and for that i can be happy. i hope.
kae, i prob have to go now. down to mobil/polar cafe for a midnight snack or something. its very boring now cos im not sure what else to blog about also. cya den.
Through the years as the fire starts to mellow
Burning lines in the book of our lives
Though the binding cracks and the pages start to yellow
I'll be in love with you
I'll be in love with you
whee_
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sighh. i did something damn stupid this morning. then i realised that ive been stupid all my life. been making all the wrong moves. falling for the wrong people. hating the wrong people. remebering the stupid things. forgetting the good things. priritising the unimportant. ignoring the vital. wasting my time basically, on a less than fruitful emotional adventure which has, at the end of the day, reduced me to a speck of dirt on a spotless wall, polluting god's green earth.
i feel so worthless suddenly, as though if i died or lived it wouldnt matter, since i clearly dont matter to people who matter most to me. which brings me to another point. i hate myself. for existing. for being here to complicate matters. its all so clear to me now; i should just quietly leave everyones lives and nothing will change. in fact, even if i made alot of noise, nobody would care anyway.
nobody seems to understand. every time i find somebody whom i think will understand, it turns out otherwise. i just wish i could be given a second chance at life. or even a chance to do something and be someone's someone in the first place. sadly, wishes never come true. my guardian angel probably commited suicide when i was born so i cant ask him for help.
at least for now i think ill survive. at least, theres one person whom i can talk to about this whole business. at least hes willing to listen. not that im saying everybody refuses to listen because only some people, the important people in my life, refuse to listen, oddly enough. and im sick of crying out for help.
im gonna try and pick up whatevers left of my so-called life and start again, as though nothing was ever wrong. not that i dont try to do that everyday; i try not to burden others with my problems and just smile if anybody asks if im fine. cos thats the truth. im fine, but the real me is beyond help already so wtf, mite as well say im okae.
i think my heart has gone numb. yesterday, i was so hurt by everything that it became physical pain. my heart was literally and figuratively aching. it was a fate worse than death. i wanted to die and make it all stop. but looks like god had other plans.
i am very much alive now, and though my heart still aches beyond measure, i feel no pain. it aches with hollowness. it aches with dissatisfaction. it aches with life itself. but at least it has grown wiser; it has numbed itself. my heart will never allow me to fall in love / fall outta love / hate somebody / get pissed / etc. ever again, cos it is smarter than i am.
i was stupid enough to believe in hope. i was stupid enough to believe that everyone has a place in this world. now i know the truth, that my place in in nowhereville, the home of the nobodies and matter-nots. yet, i cant bring myself to do anything that will let me escape this world that has cruelly shoved me in the face, twice in two days.
nay, i am a coward. im not that brave as to slit my wrists or anything. because thats stupid. if a had to kill myself ill go spectacularly and ill make them think: "that azizul, always the star, even in death". then theyll go back to their happy little existences as though nothings happened. of course, that is something i wont do, simply because i am afraid of leaving. leaving unfinished business.
oh well. we all have our mood swings. but this is not one. from now on i resolve never to love again. or hate for that matter. everyone is no more than a fren and no less than an enemy. i am nothing and so is everyone else. my heart is numb. it is the best defence i can offer myself. i will not break this time. no way. no more excuses. i am the unloving and unlovable. i will survive.
i will survive.
life will go on. and i will survive. please dear god, tell me i will.
i. will. make. it.
i will.
for my sake i really hope so.
so to all of you, this is the real azizul signing off.
be sure to catch the stronger and smarter one tomorrow and for the rest of the years.
whee_
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welcome back scouts. hope you had a great time. everybody looks positively very much darker. hulin looks almost as dark as when he returned from obs. hahaha.
todays rehearsal was very stupid. firstly, i came late cos i decided to conviniently have lunch late. then emily and audrey saw me eating and we plotted to all come late. then hulin finally came from camp and we all waited for him to eat. and finally, one hour late, we went for rehearsal together.
and then when we turned up, she decided to do scene by scene. so that kinda meant we had to sit outside the english studio for a few hours while waiting for our scene. which was a complete waste of our time. at least hulin n audrey were smart by bringing OOTP to read. i on the other hand, already finished reading so no point.
stupid woman. by the time our run began, it was like 5.30. such a complete waste of time. i promise that if she ever tries to pull of a stunt like that again, im skipping.
niwae, i kinda just made a big revelation to sumbody. he took it quite well, thank god. times are so stressful. thank god he understands.
whee_
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happy belated birthday justin ho ~
aniwae, i am back in depression mode after blog-surfing for the last five hours. yes i know, i shud get a life. but anyway, everyone seems to be pissed off by something or other. and for those who arent pissed off, there's interesting news on thier blogs as well. These are the things ive read about lately:
1) AC seems to be quite screwed up with the whole war council thingy. poor kingfisher and owl. especially kingfisher who apparently did very well for gateway and talentime but was screwed by the war council shit. and owl who got turned on by shitheads. sighh. poor scouts. hope theyre better by 2pm tmr when they return, so heres a "welcome back!" 14 hrs in advance!
2) OOTP seems to be quite the failure. not many people seem to like it that much and i agree. seriously not worth the $40 nor the three year wait.
3) read this entry by amy rgs:
---start---
this entry is not for public viewing. but i'm lazy to do anything. or should i sae. lazy to introduce or implement a set of checks and balances that would be able to ensure me to say everything in a politically correct manner as i had observed on wednesday that some people were unable to do so. this entry is not about hoon2. not abt him choosing certain maroon coloured blazer schl over certain other green coloured blazer schl. no. this is an entry that is a personal group attack on a group from a certain black coloured blazer schl. yepsh.
to whoever this may concern.
1. we MAY be bleating lost sheep. but we are not bleating black sheep.
2. the new recruit earns >$300 per month. definitely not the $2 as quoted durin a speech
3. how is porn associated with the army.
4. if israel women r not trained. they will b more vulnerable n dere will b more deaths than now.
5. since there is not threat. we don't need guys to go for ns anymore
6. terrorism is not considered as a threat?
7. $3b for character building in women isn't worth it. in guys mebbe
8. u can stiLL learn after 18. our relief teacher is over eighteen and learning.
9. at 18. research has proven that women have higher intellectual capabilities than guys. meaning it would cost less to train girls in sate-of-the-art technology than to train the guys.
10. here here. mine mine?
11. no one understands anything under local accents, accompanied by odd gestures and alternate wigglings of the behind and the hip. [if u see a difference]
---end---
amy, im not gonna pick a fight here but the point is that in the debate, you guys clearly lost cos your "facts" we're all over the place. here's wad we have to say in reply: (no offence intended kae?)
1. wads the relevance?
2. we said $200. wanna check the video?
3. self-explanatory. if you would open ur eyes more you mite realise that its true. ill paste the website of this NYT article on the whole issue here when i find it.
4. we sed that recruiting women is not the solution. which, by lookin at israel is clearly the way. you cant prove that they would be more vulnerable if they were not trained, but we have proven that it has not solved the problem.
5. i agree. who wants to go for ns aniwae?
6. we said there is no 'need', not threat. once again, wanna check the video? and we justified it by saying that our army has not failed so there really is no need.
7. you should know why we said this. $3b is way outta line. plus it may not work.
8. haha, thatz true i guess. but our point is that ur education will be delayed anyway, and thats what matters most, cos time is money.
9. granted that ur research is true, i have no problem with it. then why dun u have ns for women but leave us stupid men outta it? that shud have been ur bill.
10. this does not make sense. its hear hear. read the parliament guidlines and ettiquette.
11. sorry if the style was new to you. style was clearly something ur team lacked and was not even close to us in the debate, so this is something im quite happy with in our team.
other than that i think ur blog is nice. haha, as in seriously. nice in an understated way.
4) which reminds me, have i pissed rgs off or sumthing? well im sorry. somehow this is making me feel like a bastard for doing wadeva i did. which i really dont think i should cos all i was doing was trying to do a good job being the opposition. sighh. sorry if i was rude or anything. really sorry.
5) next entry here by puisan:
---start---
"Pornography degrades women, and so does the army"-_- can he be more of a joke. Bleagh Dan Li is a "brainless lowlife" as zhiyi put it. Horrible jerk. Anyway moot parliament today was quite entertaining considering the fact that half the ri team was gay and dan li is obsessed with porn and sexual harassment. Honestly the four of them were like this walking talking circus act. And I still don't see what pornography has to do with NS for women. SIGH! Oh plus can dan li be MORE OF A JERK! hmmf if i was chelle i would have slapped him flat. Excuse me she DID stop zihan when zihan overshot time just that you were TOO BUSY burying your empty head under ur cards to hear it. Besides I don't see how anyone could feel "cheated" just because the speaker stopped you from continuing on about sexual harassment when you overshot time-_-
And I am now convinced that RI is full of MCPs who think that girls CANNOT LEARN ANYMORE when they're past the age of 18. Like HELLO our brains don't just switch off at 18 you know! And if women go for NS they'll come out 2 years later and this will be detrimental for our birth rates!! OH and if women go for NS it'll be hard on SINGLE MOTHER'S-_- Like excuse me how many single mothers are there at 18. And besides there wouldn't be single mothers if YOU MCPs hadn't dumped those poor girls in the first place. And guys usually marry women who are LESS QUALIFIED than them, how chauvinistic can you get?!! hmmf. The entire row of us was SO offended. Oh and azizul, we're NOT lost sheep kthx. At least we're CIVILISED and don't go around calling people sheep and saying that they're talking nonsense.
---end---
sighh. on this, i have to really release. cos i am very angry and pissed off. listen up girl, dont blame anyone else but me. yes, leave daniel li outta this.
i) "half the ri team was gay"? you wish.
ii) and clearly you are far too obsessed with hillary duff to realise that ns for men DID decrease birth rate directly so its justified to say that doing the same for women will have the same effect.
iii) and there are single mothers at 18. they screw with their boyfrens and the bastards leave the girl to fend for herself when the baby is born.
iv) how is it chauvanistic to say that men usually marry down? it is a fact. we arent saying that women are less qualified; we're saying that s'porean bastards cant stand the thought of marrying a women smarter than them, so they marry down.
v) and you WERE talking nonsense, girl.
vi) and im sorry you werent debating urself, for i swear your sorry ass would have been the first one i thrashd.
for further explanations to whatever we said, please read my response to amy's entry.
6)i cant take this unreasonableness at all. this is way outta line i am telling you. do not, i repeat, do not take your loss out on us just because we beat you. for gods sakes, why am i even bothering to explain myself. sighh. just leave all my debaters outta this. you got a problem address it to me.
7) fuck all of you who think we deserve to be lambasted for doing a good job. screw off all you who think we deserve all this just because we did better than your team. for goodness' sake, what the fuck man. this is being very unfair.
8) according to bessie: "pple like azizul should be shot 100 times and cut into pieces feed to my dog." im damn popular now huh?
9) and that will be the end of the whole MPP saga cos im sick and tired of the whole thing. can we just take a break and let the whole incident be a bad memory? i hope we can cos this is getting nowhere if we keep arguing. and if there any further disputes, pls tag it. and for disputes over what we sed, i assure we will settle it once we get round to seeing the video. this will be the end of it.
10) gdnite. sweet dreams to all.
whee_
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man this is irritating. blogger just screwed up on me. and i typed in a whole review of OOTP after eading for abt just under 8hrs. nevermind. a brief summary of wad i sed:
interesting book. ddint live up to its massive hype. too bad. harry is annoyingly growing up too fast. dumbledore is annoying as well and so is hagrid. cho chang is v. funny. sirius' death, though unexpected wasnt very exciting or anything. the whole chapter was very mad in fact. trelawney is hilarious and mcgonagall is funny. not really worth $40.
---
kae now ttz settled, heres a msg to you: (yes, you know who you are)
ive never been able to say it over sms cos its too long, nor face to face cos its hard, but hey, i know you read my blog so here goes -
can we just stop talking about him already? frankly, as you know, it kinda annoys me, how each time you seem to be making some progress in forgetting abt him, it is all wasted somehow or other. its very irritating. it annoys me, and though it seems as tho it annoys you, im not very sure right now.
you know why it irritates me right. in fact, this is all making me hate him. as in, all the attention and how you never seem to even want to stop. its like when im being nice you decide to irritate me further. i know that you may not realise it, but it kinda hurts.
sure its an old wound, but one that hasnt really healed. the reason why whatever that is going on now is going on the way it is, and the speed it is, is because i am desperate. to some extent at least. to fill up the void in the heart. the one that we were talking about. i have got to fill it up before the stitches holding my heart together burst.
so please dont hurt me by mentioning him again. i know you may not know how much it hurts but it seriously does. its just very hard to tell you cos it feels weird. so now you know. and i beg of you, please please please leave him out of my - if not our - life.
my heart and mind are kinda programmed to reject the two ideas of "him" and "fren" as being related so if you dont mind, give me a break. sorry if this sounds rude to you - as i know it will - but i had to let it out somewhere.
today just as i was pleased with myself abt that convention thingy suddenly you had to bring him up. hello? its my turn to be in the spotlight for one-fucking-once. you know how tired i am of being sidelined by most everybody right? what happened today made me feel the same way. i shared my happiness and wham. its gone. of coz i dun show it but thats only cos i dun wanna lose you and let this seemingly small thing get in the way of our friendship.
so here's a sorry in advance and a im really sorry for good measure. i really am. for being such a fucking loser of a friend who cant even keep himself together. how i wish i didnt exist sumtimes.
sigh.
whee_
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kae ive finally got up. bathed. eaten. some comments:
1) hULz so unfair youre having fun at AC now! Grrrr... But then again it must be damn tiring since it took 3hrs just to build a gateway. Heh, hope you scouts have fun. After all, AC is meant to be the most fun of the three camps right... Unfortunately it had to occur today, when there's RAGE... Oh well.
2) My hp is spoilt. I think i dropped it one too many times. The earpiece is wrecked. I cant call anybody because i cant hear them talking. I can only sms. And now all my profiles are like silent cos i cant even hear the keypad tones. This major sucks.
3) I suddenly feel like talking about MPP. Well, it kinda sucked. I feel like such a let down. Sigh. Never mind. We were debating in a completely different style i guess, from what the three assholes who were adjudicating wanted. The clerk of parliament was nice to some extent but he didnt even understand a part of our substantive. How stupid is that?
Never mind. We are gonna thrash everyone during hwa chongs. And win of course.
4) Kae, i just remembered something. A friend of mine, his girlfriend is lesbian. Thats not the thing that pisses me off. What i got damn pissed at was the fact that she led my friend on for a long way and then broke his heart by telling him she's lesbian.
that is pure evil. im glad i made her cry by scolding her upside down because she deserves it. she really does. evil bitch.
5) kae my mum just told me about my cousin who broke up with her boyfriend of a million years. they were supposed to get married summore. already engaged. fuck man. what is wrong with this whole world? where's all the love gone too sia... this is really coming as a major shock to me, cos it never crossed my mind that they would break up.
fuck man, what the hell is going on? i honestly cannot believe this. and my mum just told me that hes going around talking bad about my cousin. fucking hell i really dont understand what is wrong with this world. sighh.
gosh. kae i lost my mood to blog already. too much information for me to take in. sighh.
later then.
whee_
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i am damn tired. just woke up from sleep. exhausted. completely. lets go thru these few days.
Monday-
The Prop team did their debate. Was not bad, quite happy with all of them. The Opp team was a bunch of stupid Chinese High Ah Peks who were very very dumb. Didnt oppose the bill on the right grounds at all. Dumbfucks. Never mind.
Tuesday-
Had debate prac in the morning, was prop with suhas and shang about abortion (i think). shit i cant even remember the motion we debated. heck lahh. aniwae after that we prepped for our MPP debate for a coupla hours and went home.
By the time i reached home i was damn tired so i slept and woke up at 8. Then it was back to work busy typing out everyone's speeches for MPP. I was so stressed my temperature was like 37.4 at 11.30. And then slept all the way to the next morning after everything was kinda done.
Wednesday-
MPP Debate. I thought we did quite well but i felt like a failure after everything. Cos we were not of a "parliamentary" style. Like whatever. We whooped their asses upside down and all the way to Pluto. They case shifted like fuck and the adjudicators didnt care when i pointed it out.
We not only style-bashed them to hell and back but clearly won based on content as well. So wtf. I really cant be bothered to go on about this. It will only make me get pissed again.
Thursday (Yesterday)-
Had debate prac again in the morning. Debated on capital punishment. Won. Best Speaker,joint with jun yi. Haha im very happy about this cos this is the second time i beat suhas and imran if im not wrong.
Then went home to sleep. malay debate at vjc against them at night. Clearly won. They need more practice lahh. Theyre quite weak, and our language isnt that powerful either so wtf man. We were'nt that good also lahh. But aniwae reached home at 11.30, thanks to a lift home by imran (thanks!).
Today-
Just woke up, gonna do some work and get ready for RAGE concert tonight. Dunno what to wear. Sigh. Kae... ill upd8 later. cya den~
whee_
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happy tree friends are hilarious. theyre damn funny hahaha. go watch all the videos. they start with these animals, very cute ones, playing and doing innocent stuff. and somehow they die and get mutilated along the way. its quite hilarious really. =P
whee_
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heh the sun is rising and i havent slept a wink. was just watching abit of not another teen movie. its hilarious. hahaha.
whee_
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hello~
read the time. what does it say. hmm. here it says it is about 5.15 am. wad on earth am i doing awake at this unearthly hour? ill tell you: Moot Parliament Program. Slaving away not-stop just so that this will work out in the end. it had better. my own irs is not getting a quarter as much attention as mmp is receiving. i have worked for days already prepping against female enlistment and now that ive seen the rgs bill, its quite obvious that theyre trying to be irritating. which is working cos im irritated. genuinely and very very very irritated. imagining having to fashion out another whole new case. well, all ive got to say is that theyll pay for all this. im so tired. and stressed. my nerves and patience is slowly and rapidly running out. soon ill have none left. im really just so tired. really really beyond any shred of doubt, tired.
but anyway, its only a few days more to liberation. by wednesday then weight of all this will be lifted from my shoulders. at long last. this is getting all so monotonous and annoying. i swear to end this on a right note, that is to tear their bill to shreds and throw the pieces into oblivion. there has been too much of a price that ive had to pay so far and it will never fail to annoy me if we didnt do a good job bringing it down. and when we do that, ill make sure its with a big smile across my face.
stressed. so stressed. i still havent finished my case yet. the prop is quite ready, ive vetted through most of their stuff and it seems fine. gosh shawn tan han kit is asleep behind me and im very afraid. hes making so many scary noises! just now he sat up for no reason and made scary noises and fell back asleep. very freaky indeed and im very freaked out. at least every one else is sleeping quite peacefully and not as if they were being possessed in their sleeps or something. okae he just crawled across the floor while making some cat choking on a furball noises. sheesh. brings back memories of the exorcist. oh my god hes snoring very freakily now.
kae id better not talk about such freaky stuff no cos its really quite scary. well i really dunnoe wad to talk abt now cos my brain has been rather depleted by MPP. i think ill just sit here and sleep for an hour or two. i really cant take the lethargy any more. its murdering my neurons. so till i wake up, which will be soon, this will be all. gdbye~
whee_
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koh yock teng i hate rgs! goodness, theyre really so full of shit. i havent slept much the whole night cos of these bitches. man, today will be a long day.
whee_
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todays debate was good. i shut jee nee up. for once she had no criticism. hah. im in the mood to beat chere now.
the thing is, the rg bill we are opposing is absolute crap. it doesnt make much sense at all and was a complete rip-off of our bill. the f-ing sluts. their bill is deliberately confusing and it forces the opposition to read the f-ing enlistment act and other acts as well as if we have so much f-ing time. stupid nonsensical human beings.
and the best part of all, the punchline of the whole bill comes right at the end. the place where you are supposed to elucidate exactly how much you intend to spend, this is what their bill conviniently f-ing says:
EXPENDITURE OF PUBLIC MONEY
-This Bill will involve the Government in extra financial expenditure.
aw f-ck off man. that is so f-ing obvious. their bill is so full of ambiguity that if i had not known better, i would've thought it was some neighbourhood schools work. ridiculous beyond compare. how in the blue hell are we suppose to oppose this shit?
haiz. ill have to sit down and think harder. later then.
whee_
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yayy! re-did my blog. haha.
whee_
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my. i havent posted in ten million days. very sorry. wanted to post earlier but blogger screwed up the other day. anyway just a rundown on things that happened that i can remember.
1. Hyatt was wonderful! The bed was so gorgeously nice. Breakfast was great. Room was great. The whole place was nice and i had a great time.
2. Finding Nemo was still very cute even though it was the second time i watched it.
3. Phone Booth was quite the rip-off i thought. It was too short. Well fortunately short anyway, if not i could have fallen asleep at some parts. It wasnt that good nor that bad. Its just hovering there.
4. Moot Parliament is seriously beginning to piss me off. something that was fun has degenerated to something dreadful. And i was seriously pissed off by lim jee nee yesterday who thinks she's very good at debates. she had the audacity to condemn my style.
for god sakes im very sure that my style is perfectly fine. if chens is fine with it, and in fact likes it what business do some teachers have saying that it is bad.
5. RP yesterday was quite fun. Not bad lahh, we had to rehearse the ago-go parts and it was quite funny. wai kit looks positively hilarious doing it. haha
6. SS lesson yesterday was rather dumb. i came late, strolled in and started doing some other work.
7. today i have debates! we are debating abortion today me thinks, but im not sure exactly what the motion is. but i know ill have fun anyway, cos the people there definitely have more right to comment then some jee nees.
8. we're having an MPP camp this wkend. well not a camp, but just a sleepover here and there. im trying to get the hyatt again, but if not we'll be going to ying han's place in bukit timah.
9. i am very happy this week apart from MPP yesterday. which is quite a first, so this is a landmark week. im not gonna let anything spoil my hols this time.
10. ruben trashed clay in the singles. obviously we all saw that coming. but i shant elaborate yet. wait till more official figures come in.
11. REading up on abortion has made me officially disgusted. Its really damn gross especially partial abortion. Its freaking disgusting.
12. Hulin's guitar is killing my finances. The strings are very brittle and snappy. Another one snapped, and i just discovered it. shucks man, thats another 3 or 4 dollars. And i just thought of bringing it to debates today. darn.
13. isaac albeniz is a guitar genius. as in seriously. hes such a genius. argh and hongyue can play sevilla! darnz. but it took him 2 years. ill learn it in one. i want to anyway. but with a guitar that has snappy strings i cant get far.
14. ttz all i can rmb for now. kae i better get going. need to bathe and eat bfast. catch ya later then~
YOCK TENG
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the guys in school are having fun with the MINDS carnival... no fair... i really dont know what on earth I am doing here at home. anyway i am thoroughly bored at home. life at home sucks to the max especially when there is nothing to watch on the telly, nothing to do online and only homework to do. i'd better start on my homework soon. lest i'll never finish. i got ambitious plans these hols. unfortunately their gonna be wrecked by mainly quah seok whee. lim jee nee will be having some stuff too. oh dont forget rosie smith.
1) Quah is having a million rehearsals these hols. This is our schedule:
Week 1
11/6 (Wed) - 2.30 pm - 7.30 pm [Full Cast]
13/6 (Fri) - 2 pm - 6 pm
Week 2
16/6 (Mon) - 2 pm - 6 pm
18/6 (Wed) - 2 pm - 6 pm [Full Cast]
20/6 (Fri) - 2 pm - 6 pm
Week 3
23/6 (Mon) 2 pm - 6 pm
25/6 (Wed) - 2 pm - 6pm [Full Cast]
27/6 (Fri) - 2 - 6 pm
Term 3 week 1
30/6 (Mon) - 4 pm - 6 pm
2/7 (Wed) - 4 pm - 6 pm [Full Cast]
4/7 (Fri) - 3 pm - 6 pm
5/7 (Sat) - 2 pm - 6 pm
Term 2 week 2
7/7 (Mon) - 4 pm - 9 pm - US & THEM - Chinese High Auditorium - Tech Rehearsal
8/7 (Tue) - 2 pm - 6 pm - DOUBLE TROUBLE - LT1 - Furniture Set Transported & Tech Rehearsal
9/7 (Wed) - 4 - 6 pm - DOUBLE TROUBLE - LT1 - Tech Rehearsal
10/7 (Thu) - 2 pm - 6 pm - DOUBLE TROUBLE - LT1 - Dress Rehearsal
11/7 (Fri) - 7.30 pm - DOUBLE TROUBLE OPENING SHOW
12/7 (Sat) - 3 pm & 7.30 pm - DOUBLE TROUBLE MATINEE SHOW AND FINAL SHOW
Term 2 week 3
16/7 (Wed) - 4 - 6 pm - US & THEM
17/7 (Thu) - 8 - 12 pm - US & THEM - Chinese High Auditorium - SYF Competition
18/8 (Fri) - 4 pm - 7 pm - AGM
The woman is a whore. She needs a million slaps and other forms of abuses too. Dumb bitch.
2) Lim Jee Nee will have MPP meetings these hols too. Since MPP is on the 16th, we really are pressed for time. But the best thing is, she can get me excused from CCA and that includes Seok Whee's shit. Plus its fun too.
3) Rosie Smith will have debate trainings these hols too. Probably at the frequency of twice a week. I really must go if i want to maintain my top three ranking. plus, chen siong hasnt been coming when i do really well so to keep my ranking up i must do well when hes there. Hence, i kinda must go for trainings. Debates are fun anyway so why not.
Anyway my plans for the hols are:
1) Finish redox, periodic table and maybe alkenes, alkanes and alcohols. and if i have time carboxylic acids too. Thats for chem. But most importantly im prioritising redox.
2) For both math I'll be too busy catching up to advance further so that will keep me busy.
3) Malay i owe my teacher a couple of compo's. So ill just round that up and maybe do a couple of my 5 year series stuff. Pluss my malay debates are coming in a mths time. UI'd be quite busy preparing too.
4) Physics i need to revise my moments, dynamics and kinematics. Especially dynamics. Then maybe revise electricity. or if i really have alot of time (which i wont) go into thermal physics. kea tts just wishful thinking.
5) Geog im gonna revise my stupid rivers and rocks and landforms. etc. the boring shit.
6) Hist im gonna mug nazi germany. tts abt it. Im not prioritising it much cos my hist is quite okay and i know i can catch up even if im behind.
7) Lit i will finally finish reading twelfth nite. Then maybe read criticisms but tts the furthest ill go.
8) English. Hmm... not really sure if i can mug anything so forgeddit.
Well tts just about it. My plans. BUt lookign at the time i have, its gonna be hard to manage. But i really need to start during these hols else i never will.
Plus itll take my mind off the massive problems that i am stumped with currently. If the mind is kept busy the heart will follow. Oh well.
"Smile when your hurting" So cliched. Thats what ive been doing anyway so as long as it seems to work, then why not.
kae i gtg now, maybe ill blog later or sumthing. bye.
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when somebody discovers the meaning of our existence, please give me a ring
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life is a complete bitch. for example, nobody reads my blog anymore. at least it seems that way. i feel no need to blog anymore. plus i always write abt depressing stuff so why depress myself.
today was a good day. a very good day for the most part. i had quite a great time for some reasons that cant be disclosed here. but then during finding nemo i became depressed again. i am such an unhappiness addict.
and i cant get rid of the source of unhappiness. obviously, if not i would have done it years ago. or at least tried to. its hard to blot out something that has become indispensable to your life.
its hard to let go of something you dont want to. i mean, i want to but i cant. its hard. too hard. as in... ah never mind. i cant really put it here. knowing how dangerous blogs are, this is certainly not the time to disclose the things that i am simply dying to tell the whole world about.
why why why me. why not another. why. i mean seriously. why? life is a many-splendoured thing, sure, but its terrible as well. as in, more terrible than good. as far as i see it anyway.
life is meaningless. here i am getting scolded about watching finding nemo cos i was supposed to go stand among the four/five hullettians and be around to cheer etc. at the end of the whole house carnival today. sigh. life is meaningless.
finding nemo was funny. i liked it. i was entertained.
life is meaningless.
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moot parliament is fun. i shud have taken it as my irs. shit man. im trying to involve myself as much in it as possible. so far so good. having lotsa fun in the process.
other than that. i feel like quite a failure even though everyone (as in the teachers) have been telling me that ive done quite well. my average is so fucking low. i am quite pissed at myself if you ask me. sigh.
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