blogs_
akesh's
bel's
bernard's
boredphuckers's
cedric's
chorky's
christine's
d!ngs'
hadri's
jenhan's
joshua's
ju yuan's
kattie's
kenny's
matt
mike's
navjote's
philbert's
reuben's
sarah
su wee's
team-x's
walter's
yam's
Copyright © vy
|
|
Wednesday, November 24, 2004
okay. last night taught me several lessons. so did this morning. i guess it doesnt matter. im too lazy to blog. ever again. goodbye then. for a very long time.
whee_
|
im rather insulted tonight.
whee_
|
its been a long time since ive been awake until both my contact lists have gone to sleep. im not ready for any of the papers for this week. jus been struggling with alot of phyics and simultaneosly failing to pay any attention to the rest of my subjects. quite sad lah. only a few more papers. just four more days. then theres nothing more that i can do about my near future. its very scary because its so real. its something i didnt think about years ago. its something i didnt think about even one year ago, come to think of it. its here already, so no point bitching, and it will come to pass. and i think the moment they collect our chem pprs on friday afternoon will be the moment where ill feel the greatest sense of helplessness - because there is no longer anything that i can do to ameliorate the situation. no more practising math. no more asking krithin what the physics formulae are. no more consulting fundamentals of physical geography. no more mugging malay proverbs. no more memorising each and every effect of pollutants. no more trying to remember what the Molotov-Ribbentropp Pact was. no more quoting 'fuck to you' in every single lit essay. no more nothing. i wont feel a sense of relief that everything is over, cos it isnt. its just the start of another long and tiring journey.
another two years to plough through and make the best of. when i grow up, i want to have everything. though that wont happen anyway. one wrong step along the way.. and i could very well lose that chance. starting at the back of the pack, you cant afford to fall down or trip over your laces, you gotta keep running, and running, and running. well, in the relay that is life, this is the first lap. in a race, the first runner is vital because you need him to provide a good start. this has two implications, firstly that your timing as compared to the rest will be faster (at least for that lap) and secondly, you feel like your in a better position if youre the second runner picking up from the lead provided by the first.
when the gun blows, there musnt be any hesitation. ive always run first because ive never been afraid of the gun. but this time i am. the boom is just too loud, and its too close to me for comfort. half a second means five metres. five metres is much too far a distance to catch up easily. at the height of competition, everyones just so fast, there isnt much catching up once youre lagging behind. to do that youve got to be phenomenally fast.
some people have it better. they have better shoes. better coaches. they take supplements. they have physiotherapists. some people dont. and its people like us who have gotta work extra hard. wherever i end up, i want to be able to say that i got there by myself. i wish that right now i could have everything i wanted. but obviously thats not happening. but when i finally get there ill make sure i enjoy being there. and ill make sure everyone knows that i did it, that im there, that i did it all by myself. ive had enough of giving away credit and respecting people so much that ive no self-respect left.
i want to be the best only because i deserve it as much as everyone else. i wish there was some easier way there anyway. this ones very tiring. i should sleep. ive not been making much sense again. here and now i promise myself that i wont get distracted next year. the second runner has to run a long stretch of about 110m. its a straight path. its also the place where you can lose your lead. in fact the only the bad thing about having a lead is that you can lose it. i know where i want to go. this time i didnt stretch properly. but next year ill be ready. you bet i will.
whee_
|
to you, if you ever are here. to let you know that you'd always matter to me, no matter how insignificant i am in your life. for everything i've given and all that you've taken, for whatever you were before and what you gave me then. to another person lost. to someone else who has drifted away. to someone who i will never forget. to you, and only you.
I took my love and I took it down
I climbed a mountain and I turned around
And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills
Well the landslide brought me down
Oh, mirror in the sky
What is love
Can the child within my heart rise above
Can I sail thru the changing ocean tides
Can I handle the seasons of my life
Well, I've been afraid of changing 'cause I built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Children get olderI'm getting older too
Well...
Well, I've been afraid of changing 'cause I built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Children get older
I'm getting older, too
Well I'm getting older too
So, take this love and take it down
Yeah and if you climb a mountain and ya turn around
And if you see my reflection in the snow-covered hills
Well the landslide brought me down
And if you see my reflection in the snow-covered hills
Well maybe
Well maybe
Well maybe the landslide will bring you down
whee_
|
god? are you there? god?
whee_
|
"you left 15 minutes" - examiner this morning.
whee_
|
It's impossible
It's impossible to love you
If you don't let me know what you're feeling
It's impossible for me to give you what you need
If you're always hidin' from me
I don't know what hurt you
I just, I wanna make it right
cause boy I'm sick and tired of trying to read your mind
It's impossible
Oh baby it's impossible for me to love you this way
It's impossible
Oh baby it's impossible
If you make it that way
Impossible to make it easy
If you always tryin' to make it so damn hard
How can I, how can I give you all my love, baby
If you're always, always puttin' up your guard
Now, This is not a circus
So don't you play me for a child
How long can emotions keep on goin' up and down
It's impossible
Oh baby it's impossible for me to love you this way
It's impossible
Oh baby it's impossible
If you keep treating me this way
Over, over (over and over)
Impossible baby
If you makin' it this way, this way
Oh baby, it's impossible
If you makin' it this way
whee_
|
this is for hongyue: HI!!!
whee_
|
i miss you.
whee_
|
is there someone you know,
your loving them so,
but taking them all for granted.
you may lose them one day,
someone takes them away,
and they don't hear the words you long to say.
whee_
|
okay. very quickly.
to the character who dispossessed me of my twelfth night AND king of the castle TWO fricking days before my lit O LEVELS, i hope you BURN in hell. amen.
ss was rather interesting.
higher malay was rather interesting as well.
it is sufficiently likely that i may not get A1s for either subject! okay, im probably being paranoid but being slightly mental during the O's equip you with a certain edge. you suddenly feel like studying. okay i dont. mugging is VERY boring. im so much more relaxed now than i was during the prelims.. that is seriously VERY scary. it is especially frightening when you consider the fact that my prelim results were not exactly particularly stellar. pah.
okay.. er.. i linked philbert! im not sure if theres anything else exciting happening in my life lately.. oh i played alot of cards today. veryveryvery regretting it now. and that sentence was completely ungrammatical. and tomorrows english. ive been mugging lit! sigh. though with great difficulty since the bastard who took my books hasnt returned them.
grrrr. damn annoying lah. okay i better get back to act four.
whee_
|
|
|